Anyone who’s been through a breakup knows that they suck.
And there’s nothing more heart-wrenching then trying to give up the idea of what used to be.
So when I heard the news about Tim Tebow’s girlfriend dumping him because he wouldn’t have sex, I knew it was time for me to open up.
I’ve been in situations before where dudes dumped me because I wouldn’t put out. They decided to walk away because I wouldn’t open up my legs.
But thankfully, my most recent breakup didn’t end because we didn’t do it — it’s because God decided He wanted both of us to go different ways.
I have nothing bad to say about my old boo and there’s no reason to throw shade. Things just didn’t work out the way I hoped and prayed.
My ex is a wonderful man of God and there’s nothing I regret about the relationship. I believe God sent him to me so I could learn some things about love but more importantly, about me.
Elizabeth Gilbert, the bestselling author of Eat, Pray, Love, once said something so beautifully about soul mates that never made sense to me until recently. She wrote, “A true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake…Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.”
And that’s exactly what my ex is to me. A soul mate. A man God used to help remove the dross out of me so I could a better reflection of the King of Kings.
I’ll be honest — I thought getting over a breakup would be easy.
But I was wrong. And that’s why I found myself randomly crying or staying up until midnight playing old songs by Alicia Keys. (That’s a terrible idea by the way lol).
My mind would drift to the good old days when we’d play Jill Scott while I burned up food in the kitchen or when he drew me close into his chest while I wailed about my job or my parents’ marriage going downhill.
The truth of the matter is, he did his best to love me even though he saw the good, the bad and the ugly. But after things fell apart, there’s several lessons the LORD taught me.
Release the relationship. One of my cousins (and I won’t say who lol) once told me that you don’t have to accept a breakup. So what did I do? I adopted that mentality. But looking back, that did more harm than help me. Don’t cling on to something that isn’t there. While I was at a prayer meeting, an evangelist prophesied over me to release. And immediately, I knew exactly what God was trying to tell me. Let go of the relationship so it won’t overwhelm your soul. You have to release in order to make room for whatever God wants to do in your new season of singleness.
“Keep an oath even though it hurts.” Psalm 15:4 If you’re like me or Tim Tebow, you know waiting until your married is tough. And a breakup doesn’t make abstinence any easier. When I was struggling with my breakup, God put this scripture on my heart. Even though I’m single and dealing with a little bit of heartache, that doesn’t excuse me from my promise to remain pure. It’s important to maintain boundaries and accountability. I made a covenant with God at 14 to save myself for marriage. So it doesn’t matter how long it takes or how many breakups I have to go through — I’m going to wait until God matches me with the perfect mate.
Breakups should make you love more, not less. Those are the wise words my friend Carmen once said to me. If a failed relationship restricts your ability to love, then that’s the very thing that controlled you. You shouldn’t give up on love and relationships just because one didn’t go your way. Be patient and open to whatever God wants to do. But in the meantime, don’t focus so much on who’s going to come along next. Put your energy into loving others and discovering the Christ that’s within you.
By Sydni Grant